How do I forgive myself for all the "clutter" I've brought into my life?

ANSWER:
Decide that the clutter served a purpose, and that you've already benefited from it. How have you benefited? Each time you bought something your physiology was impacted for the good. You got a dopamine hit!

Know that you did the best you could with the information you had, and move on.

I promise this is available to you if you choose it.

You don’t have to continue to swirl in the shame and/or regret if you decide not to. Frankly, the shame and regret are distractions to you living a life that is true to who you are.

How can I stop being attached to things?

Answer:
Change the meaning you're giving to things.

First, not everything is clutter. 

There's nothing wrong with being attached to things, unless it feels heavy to you.

If it feels heavy, then you'll want to get really specific. What is it that you're attached to in particular?

You won't be attached to everything, however when we don't get specific, and stay vague, it feels like we are attached TO IT ALL making decluttering feel next to impossible.  

Once you get specific about what it is you're attached to, you'll then want to get to the ROOT of the attachment.

Why are you attached to the item?

What is the story you are creating around the item?

What are you making the item mean about you? 

Once you understand the meaning you are attributing to the item, ask yourself if you're open to creating a new story, maybe even a BETTER story. One where you decide that the purpose of the item has been fulfilled and you are ready to let it go. 

Why does decluttering seem like it’s never-ending? 

ANSWER:
Because your saboteur brain doesn't want you to do anything differently than you are now. Yes you may have clutter, but you're safe. And your brain wants to keep you that way.

We have a complexity bias. Anything the brain can overcomplicate it will. 

Until we get intentional.

Decluttering will continue to be never-ending until you get to the root cause of it and then put a plan in place.

Thankfully, you’re here so you now have access to the power of:

1 - An intention

2 - Day 1

3 - the SOLL compass

4 - the one question

Clutter may have been part of your "story" for decades, however, it's no longer going to be never-ending because you now have the tools to help you embrace the power of less.

I feel overwhelmed and I don't know where to start.

ANSWER:
First, get curious about your overwhelm.

Are you really overwhelmed? Or are you just used to thinking that you're overwhelmed when it comes to your clutter?

For most of us, overwhelm is our go-to feeling when we subconsciously want an excuse to not have to do the hard work. 

How to get curious? Go back to the SOLL Compass.

Start with Listen. Ask yourself what's really going on.

Then Let Go of the overwhelm - that feeling is optional I promise.

Then you get to lean in to your decluttering project and Learn all about yourself. So start! And it doesn't matter why. And did I say lucky you? And I say lucky because you are, you GET to create the home you want. What a privilege.

I share this often, personally, after listening and letting go, I like starting at the front door, but this will be different for everyone. Telling yourself that you don't know where to start is usually a stalling technique. 

How do I get rid of things when I’ve paid good money for all this stuff and I haven’t even used some of it? And sometimes I wish I hadn’t ever bought these things!

ANSWER:
First, decide that you spent the money, and now you’re not going to SPEND any more time thinking about the fact that you spent money. Your TIME is MONEY. Your time is valuable!

And wishing that you could change the past, and not have purchased all the things is a thought designed to sabotage your happiness and peace of mind. It's not useful at all. Thank goodness that thought is optional. You DON'T have to think it! So let that go!

How do I overcome the fear that I won't be able to afford to buy (fill in the blank) in the future if I need it? This is a major hindrance to decluttering... even with things I haven't used in years. (I spent the first 35 years of my life very poor and it seems to affect my habits when it comes to keeping stuff.)

ANSWER:
I see two things happening here. As a child, you mention you were very poor. This leads me to believe that you may have felt that you had no control over your family's financial situation. You also may have been hyper-aware of what poverty is like. As an adult, this appears to have translated into a fear that there might be a lack of money on the horizon making it difficult to let go of things today. 

There could be other thoughts driving the fear, so if the two I share above don't resonate, spend some time getting curious about what the thoughts may be.

Here's what I suggest: find a picture of a 7-year-old you. Look at it and let her know that she is now safe. That as an adult you have agency and that the fear of scarcity no longer needs to be part of your story. That you understand why she has held on to the fear, but that now it is no longer serving you. In fact, it is getting in the way of your happiness. Also, let her know that she no longer needs to be hyper-vigilant in protecting her things (whether you want them or not), and that includes no longer needing to protect herself from this particular scarcity story (as you've now intentionally decided it's no longer going to be part of your truth moving forward.)    

Will you please address generational clutter? It runs deep in my family and so it seems as though that will need to be cleared for me as well in order for a true change to be maintained.

ANSWER:
Look around. How much of your clutter has been passed down from your parents, grandparents and beyond?

And do you feel guilt when thinking of letting these things go?

Often we succumb to self-imposed guilt versus focusing on the GIFT we would be giving our offspring if we dealt with it now. Yes, by addressing these things now, our children won't have to do it. And that is a gift.

Want something to trigger a reminder of these items?

One of our members came up with a memory book idea. Take a picture and write a little paragraph of why this was special to the family.

If we don't address generational clutter, imagine the MAGNITUDE that will amass in just another few generations. 

Is it really ALL special?

Not, if it is making you feel heavy.

Keep the things that feel light, and let the rest go. Make the decision now so that you offspring don't end up wrestling with it for decades themselves.

I organize for a bit and then the mess returns. This doesn't feel like it's working.

ANSWER:

You "organize a bit, and then the mess returns." This sentence tells me that you are giving your power away to the "mess" as if it were an entity outside of you and you don't have any say or control of the situation.

The good news is that you do have a say.

You have AGENCY. So what do you do? This is where you use your pre-frontal cortex and pull out the SOLL Compass. The first step is to listen. Why is the mess coming back? What is your role in this? How do your thoughts change when you are in decluttering mode versus mess mode? Listen. What thought do you need to let go of so that you can empower yourself and move forward in a meaningful way? If we think the mess is going to return, it always does. This is because our actions will always unconsciously and consciously prove our thoughts. So what's a better thought that you can embrace? "This isn't working" is never going to serve you. Find one thing that is working, and start there.

And one more aspect to consider: With the "mess coming back," this tells me that you don't have a larger strategy/plan and that you haven't truly committed to decluttering and creating a lighter life with less. If you use the SOLL Compass, you will get answers and be able to move forward toward the life you genuinely want. Maybe you don't really want a lighter mind, body and home. If this is true, know that that's okay, just own it and give yourself the gift of coming to peace with your clutter.

My biggest thing to declutter is emails. I spend most of the day trying to deal with them - all health-related emails. I take numerous notes & am trying to assemble them so that I know where to find the information. I don't have time to go over them again to consolidate the information. I have many books lined up to read but my time is spent on the computer. So emails & notes are my clutter problem at the moment. 

ANSWER:
I too am a fan of health information. For years I would save all of my notebooks and at one point I had numerous email addresses with over 100,000 unread emails in total. 

My first question for you is do you want these emails? If not there are services like unsubscribeme.com that will help you unsubscribe for free from any emails that you decide you no longer want. I spent 15 minutes unsubscribing and it lightened my inbox tremendously.

My next question is do you want to spend so much time with email? I'm going to assume that you'd rather be doing other things, like reading books. So, pull out the SOLL compass, and start with Listen. Ask yourself, if you could design your life, what would it look like? Would you go through email every day or perhaps, every other day? What time limit would you like to enforce? An hour a day to go through email? Maybe less? Create a protocol and experiment with it. See what feels right and light. 

Many like the idea of Inbox Zero where they "deal" with every email until there are none left. Getting to inbox zero feels heavy to me personally because then I would need to create folders which I don't want to do, however you might like the idea. 

If you do have thousands of emails, consider giving yourself the gift of deleting them all without going through them. That is what I did. I had "what if I need it" running through my head, and I countered those thoughts with "what if I don't and they are holding me back from the life I want to live?"

I'm also aware that many in the health space re-send their emails every few months.

And most emails over 1 year old contain health information that is no longer the latest. 

So I took the plunge and hit delete.

With so much knowledge available on the internet, almost anything we find in our emails, we can find even more recent info online. 

E-mail clutter is “heavy”. When you have health issues you can end up on all kinds of email lists. You want to keep them because “you might learn something helpful.” But you can’t realistically get to them all. Suggestions please!

Answer:
Sure! 

#1 When it comes to health and wellness, delete any emails over 1 year. Why? Because there is now newer, more relevant information. 

#2 Use unsubscribeme.com  to quickly select which email senders you would like to unsubscribe from moving forward.

#3 Coach myself on practicing a few new thoughts that feel lighter, such as... "I don't need to get to them all." "I will learn helpful things regardless of my email." "I'm on email lists because I signed up for them. I can easily get off of email lists when I choose to."

I’m afraid of missing out on some important information in my email, as I often learn new things in them. How do I move forward and delete all the emails? It takes too much time each day to go through them.

ANSWER:
What if ALL the emails are KEEPING you from important information? What if the time you spend going through them is keeping you from something even more important?

What if you could play with the idea that you are a lifelong learner and that because that’s who you are, you’ll continue to learn no matter what is coming into your inbox?

Now that you know the emails are keeping you from what truly matters most, do you think you can decide that it’ll be easier to delete them?

I listen to a podcast and then I want to buy the person's book because it sounds so good...like it might change my life or it’s just the thing I’ve been needing to learn about. How do I stop buying so many books? Or feel like I need to buy them all?

ANSWER:
I love books too! It was harder to get rid of my books than my wedding dress when I let go of everything due to toxic mold that was in our attic and underneath our house.

Here's what I did. I created a non-negotiable. I decided that I couldn't buy a new book until I had finished the one I was reading. It’s a fun game and I notice that I read more books now that I can't buy new ones until I've finished what I have!

Just because this works for me doesn't this will feel right and light to you. What will you do? Make sure it is fun! If you're still stuck, go back to the compass and start with LISTEN. 

Do I need to always start with Listen and then go around the compass clockwise? 

ANSWER:
First, let's do a refresh on the Compass Coordinates: LISTEN, LET GO, LEARN and LOVE.

Okay, great question. You will always want to start with LISTEN, and it will feel intuitive to do so. You may be able to skip LET GO if you don't have any mind clutter getting in the way of your goals. Meaning, that if you are motivated to start, by all means, start =  LEARN. Note that if you notice you start to slow down and that you're head is filling up with subtle justifications for why you shouldn't keep moving forward, you will definitely want to add more LOVE to the process. You will need to LISTEN to know what that LOVE should look like.

The compass is designed to point the way that works best for you!

I've read both Marie Kondo books and I'm not a hoarder and I'm super organized.  Our home is already clutter-free but we still have too much stuff and I have a tendency to BUY.  I'm wondering how to address this?

ANSWER:
I completely understand - and it's about getting to the root of why you buy from the perspective of both psychology and physiology.

From a physiological perspective, it feels good to buy. You get a little dopamine hit. And you might be really accustomed to that hit. Ask yourself if you're willing to wean yourself off of it. And if so, that will encompass a bit of discomfort, but know that will go away over time.

Next, pull out the compass and go to the first step, which is Listen. Ask yourself why are you buying? What gaps are you trying to fill? Allow yourself to explore this topic and do a few thought models on it. Finish the sentence, buying makes me feel______. Then decide how you want to intentionally think about the act of buying. Once you know how you want to think about it, start practicing that thought. 

What’s the best way for me to get started on your Living Lighter course?

ANSWER:
My suggestion is to start by watching the first module. Then I'd download the workbook, do the exercises for the first module, thumb through the rest of the workbook to get an overview of the course (and allow your mind to wander to the wonderful possibility of a lighter life with less) and then dive into the second module. 

Now, the above will only work if you have about 30 minutes set aside to focus on this course. 

If you have fewer than 10 minutes, I'd watch the first module and thumb through the workbook. 

And of course, attend any and all open office hours that work with your schedule!

At a quick glance, I don't feel like this program is different than anything I've explored previously about clutter. Light vs heavy isn't much different than Does it spark joy?

ANSWER:

You write that "light versus heavy" isn't much different than "does it spark joy." That interpretation is a choice that clearly isn't serving you. And it's become an excuse for not moving forward. So what if you took the question, Does it feel light or heavy? and made it meaningful? This is an option that's available to you! So many people have completed this course and have created TREMENDOUS lightness in their lives. Why should you be any different?

So my friend, if you're open to this...how do you actually do this? Where do you start?

With the SOLL Compass. 

No other decluttering course has the SOLL Compass. And by the way, telling yourself that this course isn't any different is a stalling technique. If you LET GO (which is EAST on our Compass) of that thought you will set yourself free and be on the road toward a lighter life with less.

You've got this!

Start believing in the potential of this process and you'll feel lighter instantly.

I have thousands of photos I need to sort through. (3 photo boxes to be exact). What is the best way to quickly sort photos?

ANSWER:
This is going to be different for everyone. Some may decide that as they haven’t looked at the photos in years, they want to give themselves permission to throw the photos away without opening the boxes.

Personally, what feels MUCH lighter to me, is creating two piles: one pile of pictures where I’m with people that I no longer recognize (or don’t like), and the other pile of pictures where I know and LIKE everyone who is in it. I throw out ALL pictures of me with people I don’t know.

I also throw out scenery pictures because I can go online and find professional pictures that are much better than those I take myself.

This is what works for me, however, everyone is different. So I want you to use the compass to figure out what feels lightest to you! You could probably get through these boxes much faster than you think!

While I am not a hoarder and my closet is super organized, I have too many multiples of everything e.g. sweatshirts. I feel the number of choices has reached a toxic level. Though I do wear everything, I would like to not have the stress of what to pack and what to wear. Does this sound familiar?

ANSWER:
Very familiar! I used to overpack all the time. Not only were my bags unnecessarily heavy as I traveled, but then each day I'd have to make a choice on what to wear which always felt time-consuming and complicated. So I got rid of the complication. Today, it's so much lighter only bringing my favorites and nothing more!

There may be a few different things going on so let's explore...

The thought "I wear everything" may be a permission-giving thought to keep everything. It justifies why you have the number of clothes you do. Now, if you're fine with the number of clothes you have, there's no problem, but it sounds like this is not the case.

Can you decide that it doesn't matter that you wear everything because at the end of the day, the amount still feels stressful to you?

You mentioned that the number of choices has reached a "toxic level." What I would do is start experimenting with an amount that feels light to you.

Have you considered wearing only your favorite, most comfortable clothes for a season? And then anything season-appropriate that doesn't get worn is given away? That's one way to start. Refer to the SOLL Compass to decide what experiment feels right to you.

You also mentioned feeling stressed when it comes to what you should pack. What is causing the stress? Is it that you might pack the wrong things? Wish you had packed differently? Wish you could bring it all just in case? Consider practicing the thought that you won't go wrong as long as you only pack the things that make you feel light. 

I have a month plus a few days to clean out a storage unit to an already full house. How do I start? I’m going through a divorce and will be homeschooling then for my 12 yr old daughter. Other daughter is in high school. Mid sept schooling starts and was hoping to be done by then.

Answer:
The first thing I would do is to decide what percentage of the storage unit I am comfortable allowing into my home. Before even going there to declutter, decide this! This way you aren't swayed by sabatour thoughts that will tell you you need to keep everything.

Once you decide what percentage you're allowing to come into your home, you then get to "go shopping" in the storage unit. 

Instead of painstakingly going through each item, you are quickly identifying ONLY what you love or is useful (that you don't already have). If you don't love it, or if it's not useful, it doesn't enter your home.

Once you decide what is coming into the home, I like a one in and one out policy. As you mentioned your home is full, sounds like that is a policy that wil be useful to you. This can be fun and you "get to" play a swapping game. Swapping this...for that! 

Note, I didn't say "have to play" a swapping game. When we think we have to do things, that can feel heavy and simply reframing to "get to" can make things much lighter!

I have a basement full of boxes, clothes papers kitchen stuff etc etc. In addition, I brought over to our house & garage about 100 boxes of stuff (from my parents and brother who have all passed) that I am slowly sorting. I get anxious when someone comes over or wants to... I came up with the idea to get a storage unit as I declutter, but I don't know if it will work for me or will just make things worse? Plus it is expensive.

ANSWER:
You mention that anxiety about when someone comes over or wants to.
What is the thought behind the anxiety? That your house shouldn’t look this way?

What you’re going through is completely understandable.

Can you give yourself grace (that others would probably give you) that right now you are “in the process" of decluttering? And if someone wants to come over it's because they want to see you and connect with you, and that they may barely think twice about the clutter? Who knows they might even offer to lend you a hand?!

If you are wondering if the storage unit might "make things worse" listen to that. That is a message from the wise sage inside of you.

You also mention that it would be costly. Consider using the money allocated for the storage unit to hire someone to come and help you go through the clutter. 

And if you like, get out a spreadsheet and think through how long you think it might take to move things back and forth and then ask yourself, in that time do you think you might be able to get through a few boxes?

At the end of the day, if the storage unit feels LIGHT, then it is right. If there is ANY heaviness, it is a distraction.

It’s school holidays here and I have 3 kids home, so although I’ve been doing the modules etc I haven’t started decluttering… I feel like I need a big chunk of time to actually get started and I’m a bit terrified if I’m honest that I won’t be able to get rid of as much as I would like (so that I’m living LIGHTER with less).

ANSWER:
You are making this so HARD on yourself! This is a perfectionism trait. All or nothing. So let me ask you...do you really truly need a big chunk of time or is that a thought ERROR? Most thoughts we think aren't true! They are designed to keep us exactly where we are. So the thought that you need a big chunk of time is a thought that is designed to hold you back.

Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare?

Start small and keep going and you'll get to the finish line for sure. Sure, you might not be able to do it all in a few days or a week, and that doesn't have to be a problem.

IT’S ONLY A PROBLEM IF YOU DECIDE ITS A PROBLEM!

What if my daughter who is 12 years old wants some of my clothes in a few years??

ANSWER:
This is a thought that will keep you STUCK. Maybe your daughter would want one or two things, but you won't know until you ask her. So ask her! Does she want anything?

If yes, then let her take what she wants to store in her own closet. But please don't be disappointed if she says, no thanks! Styles come and go and it's likely that your daughter will want to wear clothes that kids her age are wearing.

As I am sorting, one question I am asking is ... "how often do I use this item, or when was the last time I used it". If the answer is, "I'm not using it" - is that a HEAVY feeling?

I'm not sure how to go deeper to get to let go. I kind of freeze at that point.

Example: old greeting cards from friends, that just sit in a box. It's nice to look at them, but I only look at them when I am decluttering. Is that heavy? I'm not sure.

ANSWER:
I'm going to answer your question with a question.

When it comes to your dreams for a lighter life and the goals you have for this course, when you think about the old greeting cards from friends that sit in a box, do you feel light? And this feeling of lightness, is it a heck yes! kind of feeling or is it lukewarm?

If it's not 100% light, then that is your answer that the cards are clutter at this point. That for a nice long while they served a purpose, perhaps reminding you of many precious moments over the years, but at this point, the fact that those cards are there has ZERO bearing on whether those moments or friendships happened. 

Another way to think about the cards is to look at them for what they truly are - paper and ink. You now get to decide what you want the paper and ink to mean - and how much space you give this particular paper and ink in your home. 

Regarding frequency of use, at times there are things we keep even though we use them only once a year or once every five years. So you are right, not using it is going to depend on the additional thoughts that you have about the respective item. If you have a thought that you "should be using it more often," then I would expect some heaviness and I'd personally label it as clutter. If you have a thought that you "are using it in exactly the manner in which you like," then I would think that would feel really light and that therefore, the item is not clutter. 

I've had a super stressful two weeks, I feel like my world is breaking and I have been eating crap (I know this is clutter in my body.) I want to turn things around. I'm stuck. Where do I start??

ANSWER:
Stress eating happens as a result of the way we think about our life.

Stress eating doesn't happen because of what's going on in our life. 

By thinking that your world is breaking, you will create 'proof' that it is indeed breaking.

It makes perfect sense why your brain would want you to run away from that story and buffer with food.

This is good news because you have the ability to take good care of yourself regardless of what is happening simply by the way you decide to think.

It looks like you're motivated to embrace an empowering thought.

For a person who is motivated to eat well, what thoughts do you imagine they might be thinking? What would you like to believe? Anything is possible.

Is there a time of day when your joints don't hurt?

Is there a form of exercise that can make your body feel better?

Look at your answers to the above for inspiration. The better you feel, the more energy you'll have to create the lighter life you want.

My husband can be so mean and I have all kinds of scenarios running through my head that he's doing it on purpose. It hurts so much and I end up eating my feelings!

ANSWER:
Right now your brain is only allowing you to see what is wrong with your husband.

You believe you are feeling hurt because of what he is saying and doing. But it is your thinking that is hurting you, not your husband. When you are the victim, it's as though he's doing this to you and you don't have any control and aren't taking responsibility. 

Negative emotions are okay to feel, but be aware that you don't wallow in them (or eat them) and if you are, you know these emotions have become dirty pain. 

Once you've allowed and processed why you are choosing to be hurt, then decide what you want to believe on purpose. 

Happiness is created by the way we choose to think--not our circumstances and not due to how others behave. 

If you want to feel happy in your marriage, what thoughts will create that feeling for you, regardless of the circumstances? THOSE thoughts won't be clutter.

Choose to be the hero of the story you want to tell.

I was told by a friend that I always downplay her compliments (she just noticed that I've been losing weight, which has been coming off as I declutter my life.) I guess I never noticed, but is this such a bad thing? My mom always said we should be humble. 

ANSWER:
It's interesting that your brain is choosing to negate the positive intention coming from your friend. 

Our thoughts are all optional. And some are clutter and some are not.

What do you think in this case?

Perhaps consider playing with the thought that it's humble to accept a compliment. 

When you compliment others, do you prefer it when they respond by telling you that you're wrong or when they respond by "humbly" accepting your kind words?

If you choose to think that everything is your priority, nothing will be your priority.

We must say no to good options to leave space for great options.

What can you say no to today?

And what if you decided to think that you were showing up in the best way you could? How would that change how you show up?

Reading back through the SOLL Glossary I have been curious about the River of Misery. Could you tell me more about this term?

Answer:
Yes. In the glossary I share that the river of misery is the discomfort one feels going from where they are to where they want to be. A fixed mindset is on one side, a growth mindset on the other.

Change is hard and our saboteur brain will tell us to do anything, but change. Change means effort. It means intention. It means leaning into discomfort and not giving up.

The saboteur brain wants to maximize pleasure, minimize pain and conserve energy. It wants to keep things exactly as they are. Why? Change looks like a threat. You may not be thriving, but at least you are alive. 

To thrive, we must enter that river, and get to the other side. There are going to be moments of calm, and there are going to be moments of treading water. There are also going to be moments when we feel like we're being pulled under. This is to be expected. If we keep on moving forward,  we will get to the other side. Moving forward into the discomfort is an integral part of The Lighter Path.

I’m wondering how allergic I am to mold. I feel funny at the base of my throat when I’m in my bedroom, which adjoins my bathroom, which adjoins the master closet which smells like mold or bacteria.

Answer:
Well, 24% of the population is sensitive to mold so the odds are in your favor. What does mold sensitivity mean? You have the HLA-DR gene and aren't able to excrete the mold (and its byproducts/mycotoxins) after breathing it in. Mold can impact every system in the body and symptoms are in the hundreds. 

There is a genetic test you can do to see if you have the HLA-DR gene. If you are sensitive, you'll need external aids like binders to remove the mold from your body. You will want to find someone who is an expert in this subject. Conventional medicine doesn't understand mold illness, so you will need to look to Functional/Integrative medicine. Beware that there are many who say they are mold literate but are not. 

A mistake I made was to start detoxing from the mold while I was still living in a moldy environment. I was working with a Functional Medicine MD who wasn't aware that this would be a huge issue.

Trust your intuition and gather some data. I used a company called Mold Inspection Sciences twice to test for mold in my home.

Bridgit Danner is another good mold expert to follow.

I just wondered if you could just tell me where to go to next. I started and during the first two days came up till the Declutter video. Then lost a bit of steam, mainly because it was my first week at school, white coat ceremony etc... all fun things! but I would like to integrate just a little bit of videos/podcasts etc into my week so that I keep up a slow but steady rhythm. Where should I go next?

Answer:
First, congratulations on your white coat ceremony! That's a big deal!

The first thing I would do is to stop telling myself that I was losing steam. Here's why: that thought has tremendous potential to sabotage any progress. 

When we embrace heavy thoughts, we feel heavy, and when we feel heavy, we won't find the motivation to keep going. 

So could you consider reframing this particular heavy thought and find a new one that feels empowering? Such as I don't need to worry about progress because I'm taking small steps and they COUNT just as much as the big ones, heck, maybe even more!

How does that new thought feel?

What kind of action would it drive? Where would you start?

What results do you think you would see?

And as to where to go next, I'd watch a coaching video once a month, and work on your clutter workbook. Focusing on the workbook means that you are trying new things and collecting data on the best decluttering protocol for you!

I've got some broken dining room chairs. Just 1 bar is broken, and I've kept them thinking "somehow" we'll get them fixed. We've sourced 2nd hand to replace them for now. They feel heavy, but I don't want to give them away broken, and it feels so wasteful to throw/burn them. Would love your ideas!

Answer:
This is an interesting question and I have a hypothesis...

I believe you're telling yourself it's wasteful to throw them away or burn them because deep down there is a thought that you'd (continue to) keep them if they were fixed.

So if you're subconscious is set on keeping them, anything else doesn't make sense meaning that you'll stay stuck in analysis paralysis. 

So the question is are you willing to do what it takes to fix them?

Yes or no.

If yes, when?

If not, why are you so committed to the story that you don't want to give them away broken, and that it is so wasteful to throw/burn them? What if a carpenter found them and fixed them and had a blast doing so ALL because you decided to give them away? What if you had the best campfire EVER with these particular pieces? 

Remember whatever you choose to do is neutral. So one more question for you...what feels lightest to you now? Give yourself permission to do exactly that.

I'm exhausted, how am I supposed to declutter?

Answer:
I see you. Exhaustion is no fun.

Is your exhaustion physical or psychological?

If it's physical, get better sleep. A few tips:

1. Get direct sunshine first thing in the morning 
2. Slow down or stop the caffeine
3. Get outside each day for at least 30 minutes
4. Exercise earlier in the day
5. Take a shower/bath an hour before bed
6. Turn off screens 90 minutes before bed
7. Smell some cedarwood or lavender essential oil

If you have chronic fatigue, focus on taking extra good care of yourself. Take advantage when you have energy and drop any judgement when you don't.

If you exhaustion is psychological, get curious about your thoughts. Why are you telling yourself that you are exhausted? Do you think you have too much to do? If so, delegate. Don't take it all on. Maybe this is the time to declutter, because a lighter, calmer home is something that matters most to you right now. Or maybe it doesn't.

And that's okay. 

Stay honest with yourself. And don't make things harder on yourself either.

I have a question about furniture. The big box stores. Could they be toxic? The foam inside? Have you studied these? I’ve just been feeling really “heavy” when using my couch lately. Stylish but could it be killing me?

Answer:
My short answer is YES.

Unfortunately, furniture can be full of toxic chemicals. 

When you buy the furniture you are also buying their chemicals, which are hidden in their glues, glosses, and fabrics. These include but aren’t limited to, flame retardants, polishes, laminates, and other seemingly “harmless” furniture features.

In reality, the compounds that make furniture soft, sleek, or “new” smelling, actually belong to a class of chemicals called volatile organic compounds (VOCs). These compounds behave as toxic gases that pollute the air in your home and vehicle, causing all kinds of side effects when inhaled, like: eye, nose, and throat irritation; headaches, loss of coordination, and nausea, along with liver, kidney, and central nervous system damage. Some are even known to cause cancer.

So what can you do?

Let the new furniture off-gas or air out outside before bringing it inside.

Fill your home with plants which can help absorb the chemicals in the air.

Buy air purifiers that are able to address VOCs.

Even sprinkling baking soda on the furniture can help. Many VOCs are acidic in nature. Because of this, using alkaline baking soda as a deodorizer and to trap harmful gases, may provide some relief.

The "fast furniture" movement is not good for you or the planet. 

How do you not get distracted when you declutter? I often start and then my mind gets distracted with something I’m decluttering, and then I run out of time…

Answer:
First, can you decide that getting distracted is neutral, to release any potential judgement around it?

Then, if you truly don't want to get distracted, decide what "getting distracted" entails. Is it re-reading a letter/letters that takes 5 minutes or 5 hours? You will want to have clarity on exactly what getting distracted means.

Then, decide ahead of time that once you start decluttering, if you notice you're going down a rabbit hole, give yourself some compassion and love, and then move forward, again.

One more thought...what if allowing yourself to get distracted here and there made the experience more fun? More meaningful?

I have been a lifelong gainer and loser when it comes to weight…and my closet reflects all of the me's at different weights. What do I do with all my clothes? 

Answer:
My suggestion is to have your clothes represent your "now" body.

So get rid of all the clothes that no longer fit. 

Keep the ones that you like and wear.

And if you are currently on a journey of more weight loss, if there are a few items that are too tight for your now body, AND you like them, keep them. But as we wear only a small fraction of what we have, allow yourself to give away the majority of anything that no longer fits or that you no longer like.

My ADD makes it hard to pay attention to decluttering, cleaning, anything. I feel like giving up. 

Answer:
Of course you feel like giving up if you think of your ADD as a detriment.

What if you thought of it as a super power?

Give yourself a moment to believe that thought.

(Even if for just one moment!)

How would that feel? Knowing that you have a superpower?

My suggestion for anyone with ADD is the same for anyone else.

Use the SOLL Compass. Ask yourself what matters most. Then ask yourself HOW you can achieve what it is you want to achieve. Declutter in a way that works for you. Make it fun. Don't worry if it looks differently for others. You do YOU.

I am READY to donate a ton of clothing! Can you give me a few places to consider? 

Answer:
Sure!

First, is there a place that you're already considering? At the end of the day, you decide what feels lightest.

With that said, there are many shelters for people starting over that need items. With women’s shelters, they often are fleeing their home with their kids, only with the clothes on their backs. Same for refuges. Personally, I've taking my donations to Good Will for years, and the last few months I've been taking them to a church that has a "free store" for Venezuelan refuges. Regardless, wherever you take your clothes, know that you can't go wrong.

I have old sheets and towels. I don't think anyone else would really want them at this point. Is there another place that could use them? 

Answer:
YES.

Animal shelters.

My kids are done, DONE, playing their musical instruments. Do you have suggestions on where to donate them?

Answer:
YES.

Nursing Homes. 

What is this Swedish Death Cleaning? 

Answer:
This is a societal practice in Sweden. They believe that it is their responsibility to deal with their possessions instead of handing them down to their offspring to figure out what to do with.

A common practice is to have a party in the home and allow people to talk anything they like. 

Want to go deeper? Read, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: how to free yourself and your family from a lifetime of clutter by Magnusson, Margareta.

I am surrounded by chaos in the form of papers, journals, calendars, to do lists, clothes, purchased items still in their boxes because I need to find the time to read the instructions, even organizers have become clutter. And every surface whether a bureau, table, ironing board or countertop has become a 'working' surface covered with in-process projects and/or items on their way to being placed somewhere else. Just thinking about where to start is enough to generate overwhelm as everything screams for attention at once. But then I realized, I don't even know what 'finished' looks like, what do I want my home to look like in the end? Any thoughts on creating a vision to work toward? I think if I had a goal I could see, it would be easier to navigate the process to get there. Thanks!

Answer:
If you like the idea, do it!

Let's see if you do...Take a moment now to close your eyes and ask yourself, What matters most when it comes to my decluttering goal?

Give yourself a minute to really think about what it is you want. What does success look like? What does it feel like?

Now, if you feel "light" this image of your vision has been helpful. 

However, I want you to know that you might feel heavy. And that would be your saboteurs at play. Sometimes when we've been in the practice of telling ourselves that there is massive work to be done, any vision that we create feels IMPOSSIBLE and we start whispering to ourselves that we "don't know where to start" and that "everything is screaming for attention at once."

And if those thoughts come up again, tell yourself that you'll start exactly where you are, because it doesn't matter where you start. And that even if things are screaming for attention you have the option of putting on noise-cancelling headphones. ;) No matter what your saboteur brain says, you are moving forward one step at a time. Now spend 90 seconds and go find 3 things that you can throw away right now!

I have 2 young children who are in grammar school. Every day, they bring home lots of paperwork (i.e. forms, flyers, notices). How do I let go of their precious hard-earned certificates/awards, completed schoolwork and/or artwork?

Answer:
First, we want to clarify, are THESE things clutter to you? For some people, they may not be, and if so, no need to throw them out.

Because you're asking, let's assume that the sheer quantity is just way too much and that these things are indeed clutter.

With that decided, you will want to get curious about your words.

Are ALL these papers "precious" and "hard-earned?" 

My assumption is that some mean more to you and some mean less. 

The papers that mean less to you...can you give yourself permission to let them go? You probably can, and you may have already begun to let those go. Keep that up!

Next, you might want to ask yourself the following series of questions:

1. What are you making the "precious" and "hard-earned" papers mean about your child?
2. What are you making them mean about you as their parent?
3. Do you care more about the papers than your child does?
4. If you had to move and could only take one suitcase, would all these papers go in the suitcase?

Know that you have an incredible kid and that you are an incredible parent - with AND without those papers.

Know that the act of throwing the papers away does not mean that the experiences they represent didn't happen.

Know that your children do not need "proof" that they are awesome artistic creative human beings.

And if they don't need proof, do you?

I'd like more clarification on why you would prefer we don't use this word, i.e. saying I want this instead of I deserve this. I use "deserve" a lot - especially about things like "I deserve to be treated well". So, I'm not really clear about it.

Answer:
Excellent question.

I want to start by saying, I too believe that you and I and everyone deserves to be treated well.

I also believe in the inherent worth and dignity of EVERY human born. 

To me, these are things that don't need to be "earned."

However not everyone would agree with me. The meaning of the word "deserve" has evolved over time. Today's meaning includes a layer of societal judgement on whether I've earned what it is that I want, or not.

So using your example of deserving to be treated well, the unsaid question is, Am I worthy enough/moral enough/loveable enough to deserve to be treated well?

And personally, I don't want anyone else to decide this for me! Again, I think it is inherent and a given.

Additionally, when we say we deserve to be treated well (by someone else)...the emphasis goes to the other person and puts the power in their hands. 

And we have NO control over how they think, feel and behave.

We only have control over our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

So when we swap the word "deserve" for "want", we put ourselves in a much more EMPOWERED position regarding what we will or will not accept. 

Notice the difference...

I DESERVE to be treated well. (some could disagree and the focus is on THEIR behavior toward you)

I WANT to be treated well. (no one can disagree, and the focus is on what YOU will or won't accept)

I feel so passionate about this topic I wrote an essay that you can find here called Deserving Better. It goes into the net negative that happens when we lean on the "I deserve it" thought pattern and what we can do instead.

What is the relationship between identity and memory? I still have dreams of work after 10 years of being retired. Is there a connection there.

Answer:
This could be different for everyone. However a universal truth is that it can be hard to LET GO when we believe that our things hold our identity and our memory.

I spent 2 decades working in Corporate America and for years afterward, I kept all my files and papers because it was how I thought of myself. In fact, I used to introduce myself by saying who I was no longer, "I used to work in the corporate world, and now today I..."

Once I realized those files were not who I was today, and that they were blocking future possibilities, it became easier to let them go.

And even though I no longer have ANY representation of my corporate career, I still have PLENTY of memories of it. This is because the memories are in me, every cell in my body...they are NOT in the many pieces of paper, ink, folders, etc. that I used to store and only occasionally look at.

I have trouble taking things to the dump. What do I do? How do I keep stuff out of the landfill?

Answer:
I want you to know that at some future point, everything you see will end up in the landfill.

So wouldn't it be nice if our things were useful to more than just us, before their end comes?

This following article from the Environmental Defense fund and written by Liz Galst shares some ideas:

Thinking of cleaning out your house or just finished?

Chances are, you've got a lot of unwanted junk.

Rather than toss it all in the trash (and contribute to water and climate pollution), try these six great ways to get rid of the things you don’t need:

1. Pay it forward 

Giving away unwanted things helps yourself and your community.All those rubber bands you liberated from the junk drawer? Egg sellers at the farmers market, your local librarian or the office at your kids’ school will thank you for them.

The dress-up clothes you no longer use at your new, remote gig can help out under-resourced job seekers through Dress for Success and 100 Suits.

Books you’ve already read? Check for a Little Free Library, a freestanding give/take community bookshelf on a street near you.

And, of course, thrift shops accept re-sellable items to support their missions — a win for giver and seller alike.

2. Yard sale!

One person's trash is someone else’s treasure. You can go old-school and set out your wares on your stoop or driveway or look to resources online. 

Websites that list local yard sales (Garage Sale Finder, Garage Sales by Map) and online resources such as ThredUp, Poshmark, eBay, Facebook Marketplace, Bookoo and OfferUp can help you sell your unwanted things. 

No muss, no fuss.

3. Give it away

There is almost no end to the stuff people will be happy to take off your hands. A 2021 New York Times article reported that a gallon of pickle juice once made its way from one Big Apple resident to another through a local Buy Nothing group, an online community where people give and get stuff from their neighbors gratis. Find your local group on Facebook. Freecycle works similarly.

As Winston Churchill aptly said, “We make a life by what we give.”

4. Take care with hazardous household waste

Paint, pesticides, motor oil, cleaning products — many household items are toxic, corrosive or flammable. First, try to give away anything you don’t need. (See Give it away, above.)

Then, take advantage of the recycling programs offered by large retailers such as Best Buy, Staples, Home Depot and Autozone. Many of them take electronics, lightbulbs, car batteries and more.

Finally, check with your local sanitation department for rules and regulations for disposing of hazardous household waste. Many host disposal events or offer drop-off sites where you can get rid of hazardous waste safely. 

5. Don’t trash good food

In 2022, there were more than 44 million food-insecure people in the U.S. alone, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

You can help, and get rid of your excess healthy, safe food, in a number of ways. Sidewalk-based community fridges allow neighbors to leave what they have or take what they need. Find one online (Freedge lists some) or even start your own. Your local food pantry might also take your excess. Some police stations accept non-perishable food to later distribute to food pantries.  

6. Recycle

After reuse, look to recycle. Your local government can tell you what and how you can recycle in your area. Websites like Earth911 and RecycleNow offer ideas for what to do with hard-to-recycle items like packing peanuts and coffee pods.

Hi! I was doing great decluttering until I found some Euros that I have had for about 30 years. I am not sure if I will ever go back to Europe, and I don't know anyone else planning a trip. Is there a way/place to exchange them for US Dollars, or do you have any suggestions. Thank you!

Answer:
What a surprise!

First, I want you to know that you are STILL doing great decluttering. The discovery of the Euros and your uncertainty on what to do with them are NOT a sign that you're no longer doing great.

So congratulations to you!

Next, you found some Euros. One suggestion is to go to your bank and have the Euros exchanged to the currency of your country. Depending on the type of bank account you have, there may or may not be a fee.

Airport money exchange kiosks are also an option, however 1) you'd have to go the airport (and usually they are located past security meaning you'd need an airplane ticket to somewhere) and 2) they are known to charge much higher fees. 

Hi Heather, I not only need to, but want to organize and declutter my home. I don’t want to live the way I’m living anymore. But I can’t help but feel as though my environment is a fixed part of me that I inhabit, not something I can change. That the clutter, disorganization, dirt and dust is this one immovable force so close to me it is me. Like my very own turtle shell, or something I wear so close to the body that without a mirror I can’t see. I’ve answered many of the questions you’ve provided, like the ones from Byron Katie and it feels great and energizing in the moment, but as soon as I think about taking action that strong connection to a heavy, oppressive feeling quickly replaces any sense of possibility and potential to generate something new. It’s as though I’ve got all the facts but something prevents me from shifting any action plan from an idea to a way of being, and I don’t know what it is nor how to cut that last remaining cord. Any suggestions for creating distance between how I live in this moment, and who I am would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:
Excellent question. 

So, without a doubt, the ONE thing that is preventing you from taking action...are your thoughts.

Because, hypothetically, if I came over to your house, and had a gun, and threatened your life, I'm 99% positive you would start decluttering.

Know that I would NEVER do this, and only use this as an example to prove how our saboteur brain will make things extremely UNCOMFORTABLE so that we don't change our behavior.

The reason it gets so hard and heavy?

Your saboteur brain is doing its job. And it wants you to keep doing one of three things: 1) maximize pleasure, 2) minimize pain and or 3) conserve energy. 

Decluttering is not something your saboteur brain wants to do. So it's going to get creative and come up with all kinds of stories for why you are helpless.

For example, when you tell yourself that "something prevents you from shifting any action plan from an idea to a way of being," you give your agency away because how could you move forward if "something out there" is stopping you?

But as you know, this thought isn't true, because the "something" is not out there, it is inside us. It is our default thinking!

So what would I do if I were you?

1. Tell myself that there is NO cord (because literally there is no cord.) That this is a figment of my imagination.
2. Swap the current LIE that "my environment is a fixed part of me that I inhabit, not something I can change" to a LIGHTER TRUER thought that motivates action, perhaps "I deserve to live in peace" or "I can change the moment I CHOOSE to."
3. Tell myself that I am not my clutter. That thought is not useful, helpful nor true.
4. Get curious about my daily rhythms. Which rhythms are creating more space between who I am and who I want to be, and which rhythms are creating less space? Then I'd celebrate the rhythms that are helping me deal with the physical mess and reward myself in ways that are in alignment with what it is that I most want. 😊

You've got this!!

The good news is it's just a mind game, and your prefrontal cortex is WAY smarter than your primitive brain.

I use the entryway as a way station for boxes on the way out of the house. This works for me because if it sits for a day or two, I find I can detach from the stuff. Is there a better place to keep these temporary boxes than the entryway? What would you suggest - a room or a Feng Shui area?

Answer:
First, let's define Feng Shui.

According to QC Design School, Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese art of placement. It’s based on the belief that everything in our environment affects our energy, or Chi. By making small changes to our surroundings, we can create big shifts in our lives. For example, if you’re looking to attract more love into your life, you might want to add a few pink or red accents around your home. Or, if you’re wanting to improve your finances, you might want to introduce some green decor. Basically, Feng Shui is all about creating balance and harmony in our lives by paying attention to the energy around us.

Now your question, Is there a better place to store temporary items?

I think the answer is in what you write.

I use the entryway as a way station for boxes on the way out of the house. This works for me because if it sits for a day or two, I find I can detach from the stuff.

If it didn't work for you, the act of leaving it there for a day or two would feel heavy. So if it doesn't feel heavy, you are good to go. However I like your curiosity and wondering about Feng Shui wisdom. I did a little online digging and what I learned was that as long as the door is not blocked, and energy can move freely, storing your items by the door is not an issue...especially as they are not sitting there for weeks on end. Personally, I store items I plan to donate by the door as well, and I make it mean 'progress' which feels good!

Heather, I try to use only a very minimum of plastic. However I like all my shoes to go in boxes that look alike, and they are all plastic. Do you know of any shoe boxes that come in alternative types of materials? Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Answer:
This is a fun question and a new one for me!

I don't know of any special shoe boxes that aren't plastic. I admire you desire to not use much plastic. Unfortunately plastic is in our clothing, our oceans, our bloodwork... plastic has made its way everywhere.

In this case, as you already have the plastic shoe boxes, personally I would continue to use them, with the goal of not purchasing more, and instead only having a total number of shoes for the boxes you already have.

P.S. I did a Google search and didn't find much for Eco friendly shoe boxes, however I did find these.

Here's the deal: I'm an animist and I think I'm hurting the feelings of things when I get rid of them. I know it sounds nuts. The clutter I collect is mostly broken things that I want to fix. I HATE waste and can find a use for anything. I have control issues around "making sure things go to a good home." I have to know it will be appreciated by someone or else I have a HUGE problem letting it go.

Answer:

You've been relating to things in a certain way. And there is nothing wrong with how you've been showing up.
However because you're reaching out, I'm making that mean you want to learn to let go of some of your things. That deep down you would like some change, and to have less.

First, what if you could be an animist AND take on a new belief about the feelings of your things?

A mindset shift will set you free.

So for example, you can be an animist AND choose to think that if you keep them, they are feeling trapped and want to move on to their final resting place.

That's one thought. You might not like it. That's okay. It's natural to resist at first. The good news is that there are thousands of other thoughts you could try on.

You don't have to let go of your animism to declutter.

All of our thoughts are optional.

Hi Heather, I have just joined your 6 months programme. I’m so happy! Please could you advise, where do I even start? I have been meaning to declutter for 2-3 years! We just moved house and I threw away about 10-15 big bin bags full of stuff, and I donated about 10 big bin bags full of stuff to charity but this house is a bit smaller than our old house plus I really don’t like having soooo many things and I want to get rid of more stuff but any time I pick up something, I think that I can use it or it’s a shame to throw it away. :( I really want a minimalist household because all the clutter is really affecting me!

Answer:

First, you've already started and well done! Often our saboteur brain will tell us we haven't started, when in fact, we have!

My suggestion is to keep on doing whatever feel light. Keep on gathering more small wins, so that when you get to clutter that feels harder to let go of, you've got momentum, confidence and clarity on your side.

And stay aware of any potential saboteur voices, recognizing them for what they are...mental patterns that keep us stuck! Thank goodness they are OPTIONAL! 

When you do notice that you are in saboteur mode, take 2 minutes to get hyper-present. This will allow you to move forward in a more sage-like way.

I have to do something to help my 10 year old daughter, she is a proper little hoarder, and her room is overloaded with rubbish nicknacks which is making it difficult for her to focus on anything properly! Thank you so much for your help!  

Answer:

Lead by example and then involve your daughter in your decluttering! Kids don't always know it, but just like adults, they FEEL better when they are in organized spaces.

So sit down with her, and ask her if she'd like to join in on THE FUN. Yes, I wrote fun, if we position decluttering as a game, then it can be FUN (for us all)!

Call it a LIGHTER adventure if you like and see what kinds of creative ideas the two of you come up with!

I'm packing for a major move to another city.

I've been procrastinating on packing because the house build is going very slow and I've got 25 years of stuff in the house I'm currently going to go thru. The overwhelm is getting... well... overwhelming...

I need to know how and where in the house to start and I know it's one step at a time, but I need just a little bit of advice on where to begin.

Answer:

I'm so glad you reached out.

Go straight to Lesson 5 and the 'Ask Heather' Q&A section will also be helpful.
Additionally, you have access to Overcoming Overwhelm, which is a 29-minute course on exactly that!

Now, a few thoughts...

1. 1.  You are not procrastinating on packing because the house build is going very slow. You are procrastinating on packing because of your THOUGHTS about the house build. We know it is the later, because there are others who don't procrastinate when a house build doesn't go according to plan. This is a GOOD thing because that means you can have agency. Instead of being at the mercy of your builder, you can pick a different thought and begin to declutter now.
2. You mention you have 25 years of stuff in the house. Is this a helpful or useful thought? For most of us it would create overwhelm. A variation of that thought could be something like..."at least I don't have 50 years of stuff!" Would that thought feel lighter? Find the lighter thoughts and you will find a lighter path through the clutter.
3. You ask how and where in the house to start...this is a great question and the response will be unique for each person. So pull out the SOLL compass and begin by Listening. Where does it feel lightest to start for you? That's where you begin!

I am making progress on decluttering but have some antique and valuable glassware that I would like to find the value of and sell: A Fenton vase with gold inside, an antique cup and saucer collection and a china dinner set from the Korean War era. Can you please tell me how to find the value and where to try to sell these please? Thanks so much!

Answer:

First, bravo on recognizing that you are making progress! Often, our saboteurs don't want us to pause and acknowledge that we are moving forward. So I love that you see the progress that you are making!

Now on to the valuable glassware...

It sounds like your collection is beautiful. There are many factors that will go into the pricing, so here is an article on how to appraise glassware from ValueMyStuff.com. They will also do an appraisal for a fee. 

If I never finish the declutter stage then when would I do the detox stage, etc.?

Answer:

Start the next stage when it feels "light" to do so. If you are feeling a pull to explore the detoxify materials, go for it now!

For many of us, the way we maintain our progress is by addressing all three - decluttering, detoxifying and decompressing. This is what keeps us on The Lighter Path.  

Overall, I recommend no more than 2 weeks at the Foundation stage, then go all in for 1-2 months on the Declutter stage...and then if you're feeling the pull to begin to Detoxify, do it. 💪

I don't really understand the Day 1 challenge. Please can you explain more?

Answer: Yes!

Our primitive brains want us to conserve energy and not do ANYTHING differently than we are doing now. 

Have you ever noticed that a few days after starting to declutter, your primitive brain tries to tell you that you're not doing it right and that you should quit? This could happen on any day, Day #2, Day #22...however usually on Day #1, we're in control. 

Therefore we embrace a Day #1 mindset, which is usually optimistic and focused and intentional.

The reason why we have a continuous Day #1 challenge is to mitigate ANY potential mental saboteur patterns that tell you that you'll start decluttering "next week" or "next month" or "whenever you feel like it." What ends up happening is that we don't start decluttering and these excuses never work in our favor. 

So that is why each Day is Day #1. 😊

Is it necessary to get to the underlying causes of clutter as opposed to handling the clutter itself which is a symptom?

Answer: 

Necessary?

No.

And at times, I've seen this as an excuse for not starting the decluttering process...

"I can't declutter UNTIL I figure out why I have it because Heather says understanding the root cause is important."

However I want you to consider the following:

Getting to the root cause of our personal clutter can give us a better and more compassionate understanding of who we are, and how we can move forward in an HONEST, empowered way.

We are much less likely to sabotage our efforts when we've already gotten curious about why the clutter surrounds us. 

Additionally, understanding it and forgiving ourselves for it (remember clutter is neutral), can be inspiring and motivating as well. 

What I suggest?

At a minimum write yourself a letter from clutter, and if the letter is not very telling, see that as neutral, and move forward regardless.

Often, I see more answers appearing once we begin to actively let go of the things holding us back.   

I have so much PAPER. At a minimum, what should I be saving?

Answer: 

Here's what I save:

1. Birth certificates
2. Social security cards
3. Insurance policies
4. Tax documents
5. Home papers (Wills, etc.)
6. Proof of purchase for our vehicles
7. Pet records
8. Extra special kids art

That's it!

I got rid of my file cabinets and feel so much lighter. If you want, you can do this too!

I can’t see the joy in missing out on anything! I’m often an avoider but truly find joy in not being at home with my clutter, but would find joy outside the house even if it were super organized.

Answer: 

You mention that you would find joy in not being at your home with your clutter.

You also mention that you would find joy outside your home even if it were super organized. 

This is excellent. Because, it shows that you do not need to CHANGE the circumstance to find joy! Instead, you see that you have agency, and can choose to find joy if you like regardless of circumstance. I want you to know that this is advanced level thinking!

So back to your first sentence "I can’t see the joy in missing out on anything!" - is this thought true?

Your saboteurs want you to think this...however if you give yourself the gift of silence and introspection, see if the answer changes.

And even if it doesn't change right now, that doesn't matter. Instead, what I want you to ask yourself is how would I show up differently if I did not have this thought? And allow your answer to guide your next actions. 

Many of us have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)...and even though FOMO can negatively impact our health and lives, it is indeed, neutral. There is nothing wrong with it.

When we get curious about it, we give ourselves the opportunity for a LIGHTER present and future.

Let's go back to your first sentence one more time... 

"I can’t see the joy in missing out on anything!"

What about the joy of missing out on decluttering right now?

And the joy of missing out on NOT decluttering?

Play with these thoughts and see where you land!

My problem is not lack of motivation, it's that, once fatigued, I become incredibly clumsy, losing my depth awareness, and hand-eye co-ordination, and then knock over, and/or spill and/or break what I've just spent 20 minutes cleaning/tidying.

I just thought I was getting older and unfit. It took 5 years to diagnose, another 7 years to come across the concept of pacing, and 9 years on, I now rest enough, to no longer be breaking things everything I try to wash up or put away, but there's NO extra energy left for the massive effort I need for cleaning up 20 years of mess and clutter that I've been left with.

My husband is NO help whatsoever, and if he knocks something onto the floor, will pick it up and toss it to the side of the room. I used to be a fanatically neat control freak as far as my house was concerned before chronic fatigue. For many years I've given up the fight, but now, I just can't stand how my house is any longer. This morning I cancelled a week long trip we were meant to be starting in two days time so that I can stay home and attempt to clean up the mess from the floors and walkways. Help, please!

Answer: 

Your journey has not been easy and I'm glad to see that you are pacing yourself.

You mention that "there's NO extra energy left for the massive effort I need for cleaning up 20 years of mess and clutter that I've been left with."

How does the word "massive" feel to you? I'm thinking heavy. 

And how does it feel when you equate your mess to 20 years? I'm assuming heavy as well.

I want you to move forward from a clean, neutral place.

Instead of focusing on the entire "massive" amount of work, I want you to focus on what you can do. And maybe this looks like starting with decluttering 3 things a day. For right now, tiny steps are the solution. Your saboteurs may try to talk you out of this approach, saying "it's not going to make a dent in what you have to do," however that's not true. We create a lighter home by decluttering one item at a time.

Next, consider separating your clutter from a time period. That never works in our favor. When the brain hears that we have "20 years of a mess" we interpret that as "20 years of fixing the mess." This does NOT have to be true. And here's another consideration. At least it's not 50 years "of a mess!"

Also, regarding your husband, get curious about the operating manual you have for him. We want our loved ones to behave differently so that we FEEL better. It makes sense. So get clear on your non-negotiables and your new expectations of your husband, and share those with him. And see if he is open to them. He will also have an operating manual for you as well. It might help to get curious about what that is.

ONE THING AT A TIME. And one area at a time. And keep honoring your body!

I am having such difficulty organizing my time to do your wonderful program. I have had an ill friend stay with me and have not even begun the program. She went back home yesterday. I am already defeated to begin since I began the program on Oct.1st. I see my life long pattern and want to change it. I allow other people and problems to take center stage and my stuff falls off to the side. I have always felt the needs of others come first. I have to stop my clutter. It is making me crazy and I have stopped doing my art because my little studio is filled with stuff. Help. As I said I am feeling so defeated, before I even began. Thank you

Answer: 

You're so kind to others! You nursed an ill friend in your home and it sounds like you have been there for others at their time of need. 

The good news is that you can be kind to others at the same time you are kind to yourself. 

So what does kindness toward yourself look like?

I want you to spend some time NOW thinking about how you want to show up for others BEFORE they reach out in need. This way you'll know what you're capable of without sacrificing your own goals. This will help you with boundaries.

And why are you feeling defeated? You just joined us here in Living Lighter! And you're ALREADY using THIS written Q&A! Well done I say.

All you need is a reframe.

I want you to start from a clean space.

Let go of judgement that you should have started differently. Look at how you've already gotten involved.

And get curious about your language. You mention, "I allow other people and problems to take center stage and my stuff falls off to the side."

When you say "falls off to the side" it's as if it's beyond your control, and you don't have agency and are not empowered. If you change your language (which is a key step to changing your patterns), you will notice a difference. Try this: "I allow other people and problems to take center stage and I PUT my stuff to the side."

Do you see and feel the difference? 

If you are putting your stuff to the side, this means you can "put your stuff center stage again." 

This is how you begin to EMPOWER yourself. 

Feeling defeated is optional. Consider celebrating. You are HERE. You are asking questions. You are setting the foundation for your LIGHTER life. Bravo!!

I have been SUPER busy this fall, but I was able to focus on one thing per month and clear what is not serving me anymore. This month, I want to clear my disbelief of myself. THIS IS A BIG one for me, and I am open to the possibility. If you have any tips, please let me know.

Answer: 

WELL DONE!

You keep moving forward in a way that works for you and that's powerful.

What an important question and I am so glad you reached out.

Here are a few thoughts to possibly journal on...

When did the disbelief first show up? At what age? Who does the disbelief belong to? Who gave it to you?

How is the disbelief serving you? What does it buffer you from?

What is the sentence form of the disbelief? When you read the sentence does your sage believe it?

What would life be like without the disbelief? 

What would you tell a friend about the self-disbelief they embrace?

Knowing that the disbelief is optional, and that it belongs to your saboteurs and not your sage, how do you want to move forward?

And if you prefer, try writing yourself a letter from Disbelief. See what manifests.

Dear self, I am disbelief and this is what I want you to know.....sincerely, Disbelief.

I have been so critical of myself recently. Kind of given up on so many things, don’t know how to make myself do them.

Answer: 

Instead of "making" yourself...try being "curious" instead.

This could look like...

What would happen if I spent 5 minutes decluttering this drawer?

I wonder what would happen if I spent 3 minutes going through these papers?

No expectations. No judgment. Pure curiosity.

I have a difficult time letting go of magazines and articles that I want to read or articles that I’ve cut out of magazines that have information that I might want to refer back to in the future.

Answer:
I get it—magazines and articles can feel like little treasure troves of knowledge and inspiration. But here’s the thing: holding onto them might actually be weighing you down more than lifting you up. Let’s explore how to approach this in a way that feels lighter and more intentional.

What’s the real reason you're holding onto these?

Is it because you’re afraid you’ll miss out on something valuable? Or maybe it’s tied to a belief that you’ll “get to it someday”? Understanding the “why” can help you reframe your relationship with these items. For example, if it’s fear of missing out, remind yourself that the internet is a vast library—you can find most of this information again if you truly need it.

Then reframe the What-Ifs.
Instead of asking, What if I need this later? try flipping it: What if letting go of these creates the mental space I need to focus on what matters most right now? What if you’re already carrying all the wisdom you need, and these articles are just cluttering your ability to access it?

Then decide on a limit that feels right for you. Maybe it’s one small bin or a single folder for articles you truly love. Once that space is full, it’s time to let go of something before adding anything new. This creates a natural guardrail to keep things from spiraling out of control.

And every time you let go of a stack, take a moment to notice how it feels. Lighter? Freer? That’s the reward. And don’t forget to high-five yourself—you’re making progress toward a home and mind that feel more spacious and calm.

One last idea is to create a “Use It or Lose It” System. Set a deadline for revisiting your collection. For example, give yourself 30 days to read or reference the items in your “To Read” folder. If you haven’t touched them by then, it’s a sign they’re not as essential as they feel. Let them go with gratitude for the space they’re freeing up.

You don’t have to let go of everything all at once. Just start with what feels easiest. What’s one stack you’re ready to tackle today? 

I am the trustee for my Aunt. I recently had to put her hoarding home up for sale. She wanted to keep several items and photos which I have to store because her Board & Care room is small. How do I incorporate her belongings quickly to an already full home. I have visitors coming to stay to support a best friend who lost her husband last mo, in a week. How would you recommend I proceed under such a quick timeline?

ANSWER:
First, decide that you spent the money, and now you’re not going to SPEND any more time thinking about the fact that you spent money. Your TIME is MONEY. Your time is valuable!

And wishing that you could change the past, and not have purchased all the things is a thought designed to sabotage your happiness and peace of mind. It's not useful at all. Thank goodness that thought is optional. You DON'T have to think it! So let that go!

Is there an easy method to know what and when you’ve gotten rid of things that you’ve held on to for so long?

ANSWER:
Here’s an easy method that may feel light and intentional:

1. Create a “Let-Go List”
Grab a notebook or open a note on your phone. Every time you release something—whether it’s a stack of magazines, an old sweater, or a sentimental item—jot it down. Keep it simple: “5 magazines,” “blue scarf,” “old blender.” Over time, this list becomes a tangible reminder of how much lighter you’re living.

2. Take a Quick Photo
Before you let something go, snap a photo. This works especially well for sentimental items. You’ll still have the memory without the physical weight. Create a digital folder called “Let-Go Wins” to store these photos. It’s like a visual diary of your progress.

3. Use a Donation Box
Designate a box or bin in your home as the “Let-Go Box.” Every time you add something to it, you’re making a decision to release it. Once the box is full, take a picture of it and then donate or recycle the contents. 

What to do with tax filing documents (beyond 7 years old) and property ownership documents (houses, vehicles, etc. that you may no longer own)? I am having a hard time shredding old documents such as these out of fear: 1) that I might need them for some unanticipated audit or inquiry some day; and 2) that I would no longer have a way to recount income, houses and vehicles over the years. I recognize these are fairly irrational fears, but I have owned five houses over the course of 20 years and my memory is not as it was. Thank you.

ANSWER:
I hear you—letting go of documents tied to your financial and property history can feel like stepping into the unknown. There’s a sense of security in keeping them, even if they’re just sitting there, untouched. But here’s the thing: holding onto them “just in case” might be creating more weight than it’s worth. Let’s tackle this together in a way that feels both practical and reassuring.

For tax documents, the general rule is to keep them for 7 years. That’s the IRS-recommended timeframe for audits, and beyond that, the likelihood of needing them is extremely slim. As for property ownership documents, once you’ve sold a house or vehicle, most of the paperwork becomes obsolete. The new owners and their records take over. However, if you feel uneasy, you might keep the final sale documents or proof of transfer for peace of mind.

If parting with the originals feels too risky, consider scanning them. Create a digital folder labeled “Old Tax and Property Records” and store them securely on your computer or in the cloud. This way, you’re not losing the information—you’re just letting go of the physical clutter. Bonus: digital files are searchable, which makes finding what you need so much easier than digging through boxes.

Now let's address your two fears head-on:

Fear of an unanticipated audit or inquiry: Ask yourself, how likely is this scenario? And even if it did happen, would the documents you’re holding onto actually be required? Most audits don’t go back more than 3 years, and even in rare cases of fraud, the IRS typically caps it at 6 years. Trust that you’re covered with the 7-year rule.

Fear of losing your ability to recount your history: This one’s more emotional. It’s not just about the documents—it’s about the memories tied to them. If you want to preserve that history, consider creating a simple timeline. Jot down the key details of each house or vehicle you’ve owned—purchase dates, sale dates, and any standout memories. This way, you’re keeping the story without the weight of the paperwork.

Something else I want you to think about is the amount of time you’re willing to give this process. Maybe it’s an hour this weekend to sort through one stack. Or maybe it’s 15 minutes a day for a week. Setting a clear boundary helps prevent decision fatigue and keeps you moving forward.

Once you’ve digitized what you need and created your timeline, it’s time to shred. Remind yourself: These papers have served their purpose. They’ve done their job, and now it’s time to let them go. If it feels heavy, try wearing gloves while you sort—it’s a small trick that can help break the emotional connection.

Remind yourself that every piece of paper you release is a step toward a lighter, freer life. Take a moment to notice how it feels to have more room in your file cabinet or storage space. That’s the reward.

You’re not just letting go of paper—you’re letting go of the weight of “what if.” And that’s a gift to your future self. 

Where to start? What to do with PAPER, files, letter, bills, legal things, etc.

ANSWER:
Paper clutter—it’s such a sneaky one, isn’t it? It piles up quietly, and before you know it, it’s everywhere. Bags, drawers, containers, files—it’s like it multiplies when we’re not looking. But don’t worry, we can tackle this together. Let’s break it down into manageable steps so it feels less overwhelming and more doable.

1. Start Small and Set Guardrails

Choose one small area to begin with—maybe just one bag, one drawer, or one container. The key here is to give yourself a clear boundary so you don’t feel like you’re drowning in decisions. Decide how much time or how many decisions you want to make—maybe it’s 10 minutes or 10 pieces of paper. That’s it. Progress, not perfection.

2. Ground Yourself First

Before you dive in, take a moment to get centered. Paper clutter can stir up all kinds of emotions—guilt, overwhelm, even nostalgia. So, take two minutes to breathe deeply, step outside, or just close your eyes and remind yourself: This is a gift I’m giving myself. I’m creating space for what matters.

3. Sort Into Categories

As you go through the papers, create simple categories:

• Keep: Things you truly need (legal documents, current bills, important letters).
• Shred: Anything with sensitive information you no longer need.
• Recycle: Papers that don’t require shredding and have no sentimental or practical value.
• Action: Items that need your attention (bills to pay, forms to fill out).

Use gloves if touching the papers feels too emotionally charged—it can help break the connection and make decisions easier.

4. Ask Grounding Questions

For each piece of paper, get curious:

• Does this represent a past version of my life I’ve moved on from?
• Is this light or heavy to keep?
• If it’s heavy, is it because it’s clutter or because it’s truly important?
• What’s the worst that could happen if I let this go?

5. Create a System

Once you’ve sorted, set up a simple system for the papers you’re keeping:

• Action Folder: For bills, forms, or anything requiring follow-up.
• Reference Folder: For documents you need to keep but don’t use often (insurance policies, tax records).
• Sentimental Box: For letters or papers with emotional value—keep only the ones that truly light you up.

And for the future, consider a “one-touch rule”: when a new piece of paper comes in, decide immediately—file it, act on it, or recycle it.

6. Celebrate Your Wins

Every decision you make is a step toward freedom. High-five yourself, do a little happy dance, or treat yourself to something small and joyful. You’re making progress, and that’s worth celebrating.

Paper clutter can feel like a mountain, but remember: you don’t have to climb it all at once. Just one small step at a time. Which area feels lightest to start with? Let me know, and we can brainstorm together!